we've entered a really sweet stage of parenthood lately. a stage where holland tells me things like "i want you to stay with me forever" his arms tightly wrapped around my neck, and nights that end with him praying the lord would, "grow me big and strong so you can touch the ceiling (like daddy)", because in his mind being grown-up is everything right now which means being big and being able to touch the ceiling, which i cannot, and therefore he feels for me as he does his small self who so desperately want to be big. he's so verbal, and more often than not quite thoughtful being all of three years old. he shares even his best toys with clark, and they've really just begun to play together. they play things like drums, and ball, and doctor. clark looks to holland like no one else, he always has. it is almost like they knew each other long before ever laying eyes on each other. having clark join our family has been such a natural adjustment. i cannot wait to see the bond that forms between them. clark is at an age where i am not the end all be all, and has learned to enjoy his dad and brother, even family friends. he initiates games of peek-a-boo and chase, and tries his darnedest to wrestle with us and "knock us over". he is quite truly a crack-up, and a fireball. sweet and sensitive, hot and cold, a bit dramatic and totally emotional, with a sense of humor of his own. i am not sure who this little guy will become, but i am equally excited and terrified. he's got that sweet, kind of funny, whipper-snapper type character going on. he is also so busy and so fast these days, mind you he's not yet one and literally running most of the time. we may have our hands very full in a couple years. all that to say, with it being summer, and with will having a little more time on his hands sans school, we've been doing our darndest to soak up time with these boys and  enjoy them. we've also been trying to survive one heck of a heat wave. this little old house of ours gets cooking about four in the afternoon, so we've been packing up and heading out to the coast to beat the heat. being that we both grew up along the coastline,  i think naturally, we retreat there.

this last trip was so special. the difference was simple. we played. i mean we really played with the boys. so often we lay out our blanket, dump out the sand toys and sort of just let that be it, interacting intermittently with them. they have fun, we have fun, and if we are lucky we get a little break, sneak in a few words with each other, maybe luck out and get a car nap on the way home. we pack up and head home, tired, sandy, and content, but not overflowing. this time was different. we ran, we dug, we played (a lot) of ball, we played chicken with the waves. we brought out the kite. we laughed. we were present, involved, playful. i get so darn serious sometimes. we really enjoyed them and they really enjoyed us. basically, i realized that i really need to lighten up. i'm not exactly sure when or how or why i've gotten so serious so much of the time, but i do know i could be having loads more fun with my children than i generally do. i am so grateful these boys have a daddy who is silly with them pretty much all of the time.